Why Cross-Generational Relationships Are Not A Bed Of Roses

In one of his songs, dedicated to his better half, Ronald Ssemawere articulated that; “The one you call elderly, I discovered secrets in her and she gives me love to the fullest.”

This 28 year old has since released a couple of other sizzling tracks in honor of his new wife. He is more commonly known as Guvnor Ace, and his lyrics were actually based on a true story.  He is the man whose love story made rounds in the Ugandan social domains when it emerged that he had transformed himself into a dinosaur – since a human dinosaur is what it should take to curl oneself on to a wrinkly 68 year old to work an orgasm out of her – if by any chance could achieve it before dawn.

The Leon Island singer, in the recent weeks made headlines in the country and on social media when he went public with a planned wedding to an elderly Swedish blonde who is said to be 40 years older than him. But then again, lately, it’s what marriage has transformed into – a cross generational relationship. The question lingers though; is this trend any fix for the over publicized ills of romance?

The percentage of women marrying younger men increased significantly over the past few years, and likewise men marrying much younger women. In May, this year, the illustrious songbird, Jackie Chandiru, got wed with a man, a few decades her senior. Just like 25 year old Douglas Suubi also known as Daggie Nice also recently tied the knot with a 45 year old white woman. These follow a long trail of Socialites, Judith Heard and Mastulah Nassali Kafeero among others. The snag though is that such relationships are many times more likely to fall apart than same age-range relationships.

According to Jessica Kibirango, a Nakawa based marriage counselor, the moment you choose to go for a senior partner, you’re stacked against multiple odds from the very beginning. That’s because marriages in which the woman is much older than her husband and vice-versa are unequally yoked and overtime end in divorce and heartbreaks.

Oftentimes women get trapped into these marriages unaware that the disparity in the age will influence what they might get from the relationship – many times very far apart from the bed of roses they would have anticipated.

First and foremost, you might have to bid farewell to having kids of your own, especially when the lady is a senior one past menopause. This means that she would have had her last period, gone with the ability to produce baby-making gametes/eggs and for as the honeymoon ecstasy dwindles to its climax, as a man, you are awaken to the fact that you’d have to spend your life on earth without offspring – an idea considered abominable in almost all cultures of this world.

Similarly, whereas young women tend to get excited with what contemporary medication can do to boost libido, it can only go so far.

Sooner than later the excitement in the love-making time declines and the whole phenomenon becomes casual to the senior partner while conversely, it heightens in the junior one.

When this magic, as it were, finally dies, the matrimony is virtually no more albeit the contract clause would have put it on the couple to remain together – for better or for worse. This is last straw for the hormone-bubbling youngster and exactly the point where the cheating behavior inevitably creeps in. Who wants to waste their lifetime’s sexuality with a not-working sexual equipment or a less interested partner?

And as young at heart as he/she may be, clocking a certain age will impress upon him or her new tastes and preferences divergent from the partner’s.

Jessica thinks this breeds lack of coordination which makes it very unlikely for such a couple to have a normal relationship. For instance, what one might consider ideal, to the partner it just might turn out extravagant, exaggerated or simply obsolete.

The divergence will be more apparent in the topics of conversation, type of humor; choices of restaurant, spending leisure times… needless saying doubts begin to pile up in the mind – if they really want to spend the rest of their lives together.

Aware of all this, Counselor Jessica who also doubles as a preacher, observes that insecurities will be inevitably birthed. She told of a young lady whose unlearned husband was very jealous of her being in pursuit of a degree on an evening University program only to start treating her atrociously. He would keep her up at night, complaining, embarrassing her and insulting her friends and family just because he was rich. Her life literally was a torment although the girl had tried her best to figure out what she was doing wrong… she showered him with affection, sex, and respect all to no avail. In circumstances as these, many women sink into depression, anxiety and low self esteem – the complete opposite of what these girls intend to achieve against their peers – to seem more well-heeled when they show a mature man.

What younger men and women seldom know is that for as adventurous as they think they are, no amount of growth or maturity can escape the eclipsing influence of an older person. Girls and boys who grow up in this kind of relationship may never know who they might have been had they been left alone, or with a peer.

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