Getting Wed For The Wrong Reasons: Why The Trend Is Undermining The Whole Idea Of Matrimony

Mastulah Nassali & Hajji Fahad Ibrahim Lugobe at their wedding

Just over a year ago, ecstasy was all over the air as Mastulah Nassali, the daughter of city tycoon, Mutasa Kafeero, gave herself up for holy matrimony, and got wed to Hajji Fahad Ibrahim Lugobe.

It always is an important milestone when such a profound step in a young girl’s life has finally been leaped.

But significant as it is, marriage – even the most affluent one, has never been a guarantee for happiness!

Only a fortnight later, this marriage was on the rocks. As matter of fact, Hajji Lugobe ran to Police and recorded a statement, claiming her young wife wanted to kill him. She was charged, left matrimonial home, and went to live with her sibling in Sseguku.

Stories like this are not exactly uncommon these days and they attest to the fact that times have changed a great deal. In the previous times, marriage, as it is conventionally known, was the final blossoming of a loving relationship.

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Well, this is a phenomenon simply dying out slowly but surely. Every time a woman marries just to get married, to put on a white gown, or simply have a piece of jewel on her ring finger, or feel celebrated for a day, you can almost be certain someone’s marriage is breaking up as soon as the last day of the “Honeymoon”.

The news of late has been saturated with too much divorce, separation after another, not to mention the really bad breakups. And if this is a demon, God help the underprivileged and not-famous ones because this monster will respect no boundaries – not even social status.

Before our eyes we have watched marriages get plagued by misfortunes only to end up in divorce. The break up between Hollywood’s power couples like Jennifer Garner & Ben Affleck, Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie, Janet Jackson and billionaire, Wissam Al Mana are still just a tip of this ice-berg, and it’s about time we asked why.

Actress Angelina Jolie and actor Brad Pitt family before they divorced earlier this year

Some have asserted that marriage is what you make it. While some concur, others downrightly disagree with that assessment and their case is with what the foundation of the marriage was right when the couple said “I DO”.

It sounds logical to a larger extent. After all, isn’t it the only variable between what matrimony used to be and what it has become?

The Question Of Compatibility

Actress Jennifer Garner and ex-husband Ben Afleck divorced earlier this year

A pundit has once said that it is not true that bad marriages happen to bad people. “Simply, bad marriages happen to good people who are not necessarily good for each other.”

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In fact, music sensation Cinderella Sanyu could have lessened the number of her heartbreaks quite if she ever considered hooking up with someone who could be willing to put up with her extrovert self before falling in love.

Attraction is usually mistaken with love albeit most of the time it is a mere crush that speaks absolutely nothing about compatibility.

It is important not to mix things up. Whereas attraction comes spontaneously, compatibility takes falling deeply in love.

And love requires time and conscious decisions, tolerating and learning each other for some time. Today, needless to say, there’s not enough time/patience for dating. It’s no surprise that marriages don’t work anymore.

Other crappy reasons for why people get married today include the following;

Because Of Tradition

Shouldn’t it be obvious in this day and age that just because someone else has done something, it doesn’t mean it is necessarily good for you too? Otherwise why would we need to fight for freedom and rights – if it’s not to choose for ourselves what’s good for us?

Sadly many people still get married due to the pressure they succumb to, even from no one but themselves. Not to mention family, friends and in some cases the church.

Mastullah Kafeero is said to have been forced into marriagw with a much older man by her own family

This has struck many that what they thought would be the seventh heaven, was to be enslaved with each other. They only wake up to this sad reality that happiness in marriage is not automatic after all.

The Hot Desire To Have Own Kids

Nalongo Judith Heard, Uganda’s top model and socialite had a pair of kids with her former hubby but it did not guarantee happiness in her marriage. They still divorced anyway. And this is very common in this season.

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Many when they perceive are getting older by the day, they panic into spontaneous marriages, only to cage themselves in a lifetime of misery. But as this era has some degree of liberty, they simply walk out.

Money

This is the commonest in Uganda. For money, many girls have sacrificed themselves into these marriages with men they don’t love. Shanita Namuyimba aka Bad Black did.

But what is the point, if you cannot enjoy the cash when you are stuck with the guy you don’t even love. So, like Bad Black, you have to be a smart swindler, to carry his money bags and elope with your true love. Problem is, you might end up in court and behind bars. Who wants that?

For Sex

It’s amazing just how far people will go just for some loosening. However it’s a lousy reason for making a life-long commitment.

Besides, bodies change, people get ill and there’ll always be someone more good looking. Of course many people have this notion that monogamy is a healthier way of sex but it gets boring if you do not love your sex partner.

Because Of Social Norms/Pressure

Music legend Janet Jackson with ex-husband Wissam Al Mana divorced earlier this year, scarcely three months after the birth of their baby

Women’s greatest fear is remaining single, without a child, or parenting alone. In many parts of the world such a woman would be considered a misfit and would not inspire trust at all. That is on addition to the fact that they would be discriminated against.

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The numbers of women who have fallen into such miserable marriages are innumerable. This era, when it gets tough in there, they jump out like Uganda’s former Vice President, Specioza Wandira Kazibwe.

Frustration

When girls wait for Mr. Right until they can’t wait anymore, they end up forging their way into a marriage of convenience.

They may not love the guy but anyway, they need some sort of marriage arrangement; if not for anything else, to show off and to make a point that they are just as good as her peers who have been wed.

The bad side however only reveals itself when already deep into the marriage. Some audacious ones just take off as soon as they wake up.

Other women simply don’t want to grow up alone. They seldom realize in time that it is worse to spend a lifetime with a husband yet being very lonely.

Those that can’t stand the heat, run away as fast as they can and it explains the current trajectory of marriages that have gone to the dogs.

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